Reason #12: An Excuse to not go to Grad School

Today I decided I love the Recession because its giving me a new excuse to not attend graduate school.

an example of clever wordplay you will learn in graduate school.

Tomorrow is my last day of college. A lot of my friends are going to graduate school,  or will swiftly apply whence their undergraduate clock ceases to tick. Some part of me believes they are afraid of the world, as many of them have expressed to me.

In this brave editorial by Mark Taylor, which ran in the NYT, Taylor observed that graduate schools were too specialized, expensive, and impractical for today’s economy. If graduate school is to continue, it needs massive reconstruction.

I have been reading The Golden Notebook by Doris Lessing. Lessing dropped out of school before she was 15, read a lot of Marx, and then won the Nobel Prize. In a moving introduction, Lessing implores people to avoid education. She saw it as systematic indoctrination, strange system in which you are  “taught by people who have been able to accommodate themselves to a regime of thought laid down by their predecessors.” Her sentiments echo Taylor’s. She said:

“Those of you who are more robust and individual than others, will be encouraged to leave and find new ways of educating yourself–educating your own judgment.”

As the cost of student loans become increasingly higher (graduate schools sometime set individuals back between $50-100,000 dollars), perhaps we should reconsider if we must have those two to three years of radically specialized thought. Thoughts, like Taylor said, are increasingly useless for real-world problems.We should maybe just use what we learned in undergrad and teach ourselves to think critically about books and listen to people smarter than us.

So I wanted to do German comparative Literature. But I’ll just read in Germany instead. I bet,  I’ll learn more, save more, give more, there.

Save $100,000 and not worry whether or not I’m “smart” yet?

I Love the recession!

Reason #11 : Backyard Gardens

Today I decided I love the recession because backyard gardens are growing in popularity.

All of this grown in a backyard

Do you eat grapes in the winter time? Do you know that these grapes must be harvested in the feilds of South America, packed onto a boat, shipped across the sea, driven from the port to the heart of Texas, and then marked up tenfold to cover the cost of shipping? It’s a lot to think about. And the grapes aren’t really that good.

The high price of food has caused many to turn to local farms and backyard gardening as a source of sustenance. Sure, Michelle Obama did it and everyone freaked out.

But in Austin alone, many local farms have seen in increase in business since the recession hit. In the last 3 years, the CSA Johnson’s Family Farm has gone from feeding 10 to 450 families. The Austin Farmer’s market also has noted an increase in sales. They are now campaigning to open a new community garden within the city, adding to the already 14 gardens that operate and feed hundreds of families and farmers.

Eating food that is grown close to home is cheaper and, needless to say, better for the environment because of less carbon pollution and overfarming. Foods in season are also more fragrant and succulent than crops forced to grow out of demand.

Save money! Eat fresher! help the environment! Support sustainability! You’ve heard it before!

I love the recession!

Reason# 10: Helping young people track spending

Today I decided I love the recession because it’s prompted young Americans to take a crucial look at what they buy.

The first google image result for "crap i buy."

I think that this is an obvious observation, but it’s the creation and increasing popularity of web sites like Mint.com, a site that allows you to visualize your annual spending, that solidifies it.

Yesterday on NPR, I heard a wonderful interview with AAron Patzer, a semi-recent Princeton graduate whom developed Mint and offered it free-of-charge to help young people manage their finances and invest in their futures. He said that young people, especially, don’t understand how to negotiate saving money, because many times they are simply never told how to. Mint allows you to enter amounts for all the money you spend, and each month offers you a pie graph to help you see how much you spent eating out, drinking beer, or buying dog food.

When I was in high school, no one ever taught me about savings. I made money, I spent it. Had I had a free system like Mint to show me how much I was spending on cigarettes and late night queso, I would have learned money management skills that could save me from debts or turning to credit cards’ false and beautiful promises, like so many young folks do.

Offering educational softwear that teaches young people essential but basic skills was a solution created from one “problem:” the recession. I think that money management should have been being taught all along. And Look! Mint’s Blog is full of dummed-down economic information I can understand!

Teach young people what they should have known all along?

I love the recession!

Reason # 9: Buying Michael Jackson’s Stuff

Today I decided I love the recession because I can finally get a piece of my favorite pop star without involving a lawyer. Sort of. 

If you buy the vinyl you can have this above your bed, too

I used to play “Moonwalker” on Sega Genises in my underwear with my best friend Erin ever summer, because there’s not a lot to do growing up in the country. Michael Jackson has touched a lot of people like me.  His influence is felt everywhere (my favorite example is in Bollywood). Apparently, they don’t have echo effects in studios there, so they have to do it manually. 

Now, thanks to the recession, people are finally able to own some of their favorite star’s personal belongings in memorium. Jackson announced that this month he would sell many of his posessions from Neverland Ranch to help dig him out of financial dire straights. Some trinkets you can buy: 

• A golf cart, with a portrait of Jackson dressed as Peter Pan on the hood
• Edward’s actual scissor hands 
• A life-sized Superman 
• The robotic Michael Jackson head from Moonwalker. 

Don’t believe me? See the photogallery at The Guardian. If only he would sell back those Beatles album rights. 

Own the glove from Billy Jean and help MJ crawl out of debt? 

I Love the recession!

Reason # 8: Dying Economy=Longer Lifespans

Today I decided I love the recession because recessions increase your life span. 

 

Lettuce Diet and Live Longer.

 

 

 

The main idea behind this blog was this: America is like a great, fat man, suddenly being told he will die of his fatness. The fat man must die or diet. And so America must diet: trim the fat, so to speak, from our lavish lifestyles. Make more secure investments. Consolidate labor. Buy only essential products. Reconsider is we really need three cars per household. Our credit-consumer lifestyle  has turned us into sickly, bloated cows. 

This lovely article published last year in the Boston Globe compared the Recession to a cleansing fire, a sort of natural selection amongst businesses. Only the fittest and most capable will survive. Recessions shrink deficits. I never really believed we needed businesses like Dirty Dog, a “self-serve” dog wash, anyways. My dog always preferred the bathtub and Suave Naturals. 

What was most interesting about the article was it cited that people during a recession actually live longer than during times of economic stability.

• They drink, smoke, and gamble less to conserve income. 
• They drive more slowly to conserve gas and avoid accidents.
• Their underemployment causes them to spend more time with their children or parents.
• They have more free time and end up doing things they “never had time for,” like exercise or pleasure reading. It all leads to lower stress levels. 

Be the person you never had time to be?

I will miss this recession.

Reason #7: Not Getting Screwed at the Movies

Today I decided I love the recession because it helped some movie theaters to stop ripping me off.

 

Oh but doesn't it appear delicious?

 

I love movies. My favorite is “There Will Be Blood,” or “The Last Unicorn,” for different reasons. I see as many movies as I can all of the time. It gives me street cred, and it distracts me from my  sad and lonely life. 

A lot of people see movies for the same reasons. In fact, this is why Cinema actually boosts its profits, historically, in times of economic downturn. It was the one industry that never suffered during the Great Depression. Now, cinemas are experiencing a record-high sales streak. In January and February, moviegoers forked over nearly 2 billion dollars to movie chains, according to the Chicago-Sun Times. 

But I guaran-goddamn-tee you it wasn’t for $7.50 popcorn! Or a $6.00 12-ounce Soda!

Some movie chains are now wising up to the fact they they charge exorbitant amounts for hot, buttery, and soft popcorn and a crispy sweet soda to follow it up with. Carmike theaters, a major chain operating about 2,800 screens, is now offering a “Recession Night,” where it will sell 16-ounce sodas and 46-ounce popcorns for $1 each. 

What a wonderful way to thank its patrons for continuing to visit when their pocketbooks are hit harder than the time they actually paid to see “Hotel For Dogs.” Hopefully, other chains will catch wind of this trend. 

Let me stuff my face with melty hot popcorn and drown my tears in Mr. Pibb? All to Clive Owen?

I Love the recession!

Reason #6: No Jobs, No Prob.

Today I decided I love the recession because even though there’s no work, there is.

Looks like our glory days are over!

 

Since the recesssion was declared, America has lost over 2.6 million jobs. Additionally, people who have kept their jobs have had thier hours severely truncated: the “underemployment rate” is at almost 15%. Financial experts predict that we will lose about 100,000 jobs per month in all sectors if the economy continues to downslide.

But how could this be exciting? Because Barack Obama is following through with his promise to expand Americorps and the Peace Corps significantly. Obama vows that by 2012, he will almost triple the size of Americorps to 250,000 members annually and double the size of the Peace Corps to over 16,000.

So: the copywriter finds herself laid off from her position at Velocity credit union. She now has more of an opportunity than ever before to travel to different parts of the world or country, use her talents and health where it is needed most, gain a sense of personal responsibility and self, and give back to the world. And earn money.

So: the college student, scared stuff and hungry for money to pay off loans suddenly finds herself faced with a crippled economy. And now Americorps is less competitive, she can use the oppotunity to pay off her loans, rebuild America’s infrastructure from the belly up–where it needs it the most.

“Americans are not the problem,” Obama said. “They are the solution.”

These ideas have taken shape in the form of The American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009, which allots billions of federal dollars to not only provide jobs for Americans, but jobs that will improve the lives of other Americans. All playing off good ol’ recession rhetoric.

Get fired from your money grubbing bank job and volunteer with the poor instead?

I Love the recession!

Reason #5: Cancelling Prescriptions

Today, I decided I love the recession because it’s forcing people to taper off of their prescription drugs.

Looks like a lot of people I know.

My mother owns an independant pharmacy in Austin, Tx. She makes boatloads of money filling prescriptions every day, mainly for people who are too lazy to excersize or eat right and want take a pill to fix their health problems. It’s an epidemic.

My mother has spent many a nights telling me how sad being a pharmacist makes her. Not because she hates her job, but she believes the drug industry is a racket. It creates drugs like Lunesta to help people do something as natural as sleep, and then offers doctors bonuses when they perscribe it to thier patients.

The point is many people are over-prescribed. Our family friend has had multiple scoliosis-related back surgeries since she was 35. She began taking 100 mgs of Vicoden each day. Now, at 50, she takes 7 different pain medications in doses that would be lethal to anyone without her tolerance. She was fired from her job because she was uncoordinated. She’s convinced she needs the drugs, which cost her almost $2500 each month.

Since we’re in a recession, massive drug corporations have increased the price of “necessary” medications from about 10 to 30% in the last year.But instead of paying, many patrons at my mother’s pharmacy have decided to quit.

She came home especially happy last night. She told me that one of her favorite customers, who usually filled five perscriptions (for blood pressure, for sleep aid, anxiety, thyroid issues, and menopause) decided she could only afford her blood pressure meds this month. “I just can’t afford all this junk anymore,” she told my ma.

“That’s all most of it really is,” my mamma said. “Just junk.”

It’s ok to feel anxious sometimes! It’s natural to age! Eat a carrot, not a beta blocker! These drugs are part of capitalism, not health care!

I love the recession!

Reason #4: Green Burials

Today I decided I love the recession because it will encourage people to pursue green burials. 

 

Pickle my body and pollute my daugher's water? No thanks!

Green Burials have been growing in poularity in recent years, especailly in America. Maybe if people have to pinch thier pocket books a little more, they’ll also realize there’s no need for a lot of hoopla when you die. 

Death is a big businness. The average funaral will cost a loved one about a year’s worth of savings- the equivolent of a new car, a year of the children’s college, or a morgage payment. Most “no-frills” funerals run about 10,000 dollars. 

Why? A 4,000 pine-treated casket. A 2,000 burial vault used to further preserve a body. 2,000 worth of preparation- meaning pumping your loved one full of formaldehyde, a carcinogen  known to give heart, liver, and brain damage to morticians, gravediggers, and groundskeepers.

Not only that, formaldehyde leaks out of our pickled corpses and seeps into local groundwater and soil, poisening plants and drinking water for ourselves and our pets.  We’ve institutionalized this harmful practice, dumping hundreds of thousands of liters of this chemical into the environment each year!

Fortunately, less expensive and environmentally degragading practices are on the rise. Since the beginning of the recession, 5 new green burial sites have opened in America. Green burials are simple: no caskets. no pickling. no vaults. Just wrap your loved one in thier favorite blanket and send them back from whence they came. 

Avoid the lecherous funeral industry? Save the environment and save money? 

I Love the recession!

Reason #3: Entrepenuerial Spirit!

Today I decided I love the Recession because it inspires people to pursue their dream jobs. 

According to Harvard Business school, an economic downturn is the best time for an individual to start their own business. Chances are, there is less competition for your start up as many small and large business move into conservation mode. 

Entrepenuer Magazine listed 10 great reasons why the recession is the ripest time for starting a business. Here are my favorite 3: 

- Goods are cheaper and more qualified people will collaborate with you for less money. 

- Lenders are offering loans at better rates to entice lendees. 

- Your business stands out as invigorated and deteremined – which is appealing to consumers. 

Many individuals have taken advantage of the idea of starting thier own business during the recession. On a recent report on NPR, Mellisa Block spoke to some of these people. One woman in Arizona discussed how she had spent her entire life in the real estate market. Suddenly, she found herself having to take up another job: making and selling her own jewelry. The woman said it was always her dream to support herself through her art, and it was ironic that she could suddenly do it in the midst of an economic crisis. 

Follow you dreams? I Love the recession!